Aelblermagronen with Ankestückli

Those of you lucky enough to have tucked into an Ulster fry have probably heard it described as a 'heart attack on a plate'. Well, here's a heart attack in a bowl.

This particular heart attack comes from Switzerland and is called Aelblermagronen, or 'alpine macaroni'. It is the Platonic ideal from which Kraft Mac & Cheese is 666 emanations down. Packed full of fats and cholesterol, it also has plenty of carbohydrates, so not even Dr Atkins would approve. But it's delicious and just the thing for a freezing winter night.

Aelblermagronen are often served with something called Ankestückli, and after the recipe for the pasta dish I'll tell you how to make those.

Here's what you'll need:

250g    macaroni
500g    potatoes
300g    cheese
.5l       milk
.1l       heavy cream
2         large onions
1-2      cloves garlic (optional)
1         clove garlic (not optional)
           black pepper
           nutmeg
           butter
           flour
           salt
1/2      lemon

Note on ingredients: Ideally, you will able to find a type of pasta called Hörnli. These are very similar to plain old elbow macaroni but are rather larger and often ridged. If you can't find them, just use ordinary elbows. The potatoes should be of the sort that is firm rather than mealy after cooking. The cheese should be the strongly-flavoured mountainy kind, e.g. Gruyère or Appenzeller (or a mix of both).

Here's what to do:

Put a very large pot of water on to boil. Pre-heat the oven to 160c. Rub butter into an oven-proof baking dish or casserole. At this point you should also start the Ankestückli cooking, if you want to have them with your macaroni.

Grate the cheese.

Peel the onions and slice them as thin as you can. A bread-slicing machine works very well for this (watch your fingers).

If you wish to use the optional garlic, mince it very fine or put it through the press.

Put the onion slices (and, if you're using it, the garlic) into a small bag. Toss in enough flour to just barely coat. Hold the bag closed and shake it all about.

Melt an unconscionably large amount of butter in a saucepan. When it's melted, put the onions into it and let them cook slowly over low-medium heat. Stir it all up from time to time. I will tell you right now that this seemingly simple task is the hardest part of the exercise. You are trying to make the onions brown and just starting to turn crisp. And you want this to happen, ideally, at just about the same time as the rest comes done. It takes a longish time, but very shortly after you reach the point of perfection everything will go suddenly wrong, and you will be left with a blackened unusable mess. So keep an eye on that saucepan, and move it off the heat if you need to.

Peel the potatoes. Then slice them into small cubes or oblongs. Each chunk of potato should be slightly smaller than a piece of the pasta. To keep the potato chunks from discolouring, put them in a bowl of cold water into which you've squeezed the juice of the half lemon until the water in the pot is at full boil.

And, when it is, salt it, then dump in the potatoes and the pasta. Cook for ten minutes, then drain.

While the potatoes and macaroni are cooking, put the milk and cream into a saucepan. Crush the non-optional garlic into the mixture using a garlic press. Grind in some pepper and add a small pinch of nutmeg. Bring to the boil, stirring all the while, and then reduce the heat at once. Let it stay warm, though.

When you have drained the potatoes and pasta, put a layer of them into the baking dish. Top with a layer of grated cheese. Keep doing this until both are used up. The top layer should be of cheese. Pour the milk mixture over everything, distributing it evenly. Put the dish into the oven and let it bake until the cheese is thoroughly melted, about ten minutes. Don't let the top brown.

Take out the baking dish. Layer the crispy browned onions on top. Enjoy.

Now, for the Ankestückli. You'll need:

750g    sourish apples (about 3-4)
           butter
           sugar
.1l       dry white wine

Core and peel the apples. Cut into thin slices. They will turn colour even faster than the potatoes, so put them into a bowl of water into which you've squeezed the other half of that lemon.

Melt a good bit of butter in a pan. Drain the apple slices well, and put them into the pan. Sprinkle a little sugar on top. Let them burble away on low-medium heat while you are working on the Aelblermagronen.

When you put the baking dish into the oven, turn the heat under the apples up high. Pour in the wine and let it cook away almost entirely. Try to have this happen just as the Aelblermagronen are ready to serve.

If you eat up all your Aelblermagronen, you may treat yourself to a tot of Kirschwasser. You'll feel the better for it.